The Gospel of Goddard:

Tenth Visit

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:21:21 2002) []

No new Buffy this week? Well, I’ve got something even better for you: Me. Oh boy. You lucky, lucky ********.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:25:13 2002) []

Hey – I’m getting censored. Is this site run by UPN? Next thing you know you’re going to be telling me that a graphic crucifixion scene with a vampire might “offend” virtually every human being who watches our show.

You damn suits can be so uptight sometimes.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:48:13 2002) []

Denise – thanks babe. Here’s a spoiler for you: The other day Rebecca lost a bet to me and had to dress up like Batman and eat lunch, as Batman, with the crew. How is that a spoiler, you ask? Well, I’m not sure. But the point is, I beat Rebecca at something. Nice job, Drew.

Nikka’ – nice to see you here too. I’ll go tell Fury now.

Tralf – okay, I’ve been trying to keep this quiet, but my love for my fans precludes my own desire for privacy. “Drew Goddard” is actually my pen name. My real name is Nipsey Russell. There may be a pre-existing picture of me on the web. If you can find one, go ahead and use that.

And with regard to your next question, I think you should stand up in front of your class, yell, “Poetry’s for sissies,” grab the nearest guy/gal (depending on what you’re into and/or who’s cleanest), kiss him/her passionately, and then swing out of that classroom on a rope like a pirate.

Tiggy, Miko, numba1buffyfan, corsa, roja – Hi guys. Thanks for the kind words. You are all very, very smart.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:59:19 2002) []

You guys can help me with something that’s been bugging me all day. If a human male impregnated a zombie female, what would their offspring be like?

Would it be a human/zombie hybrid that had all of the zombie’s strengths and none of its weaknesses? Or would it be more like a zombie with eloquent word choice? Or would it be a human that walked around like a zombie but never really caused any problems other than slowing down lines in amusement parks? Or would it be something else entirely, something science has yet to touch upon?

This has really been weighing on me.

I guess it’s all kind of moot since the zombie mother would probably eat the baby as soon as she gave birth to it.

Y_slaybelle says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:50:51 2002

Drew Goddard My post about your latest ep was very coherent, and did not at all degenerate into professions of love for you. *g* And by the way, are you responsible for the "Hide your babies and your beadwork" line? Because, hee.

kathypg says:
(Thu Dec 5 01:55:13 2002

Question Drew Goddard

Why the Retcon of Spike to make him more Angelus like?  I have been trying to figure out the motivation. By the great job of writing so far. You really are a very talent writer.

Ulitmate Drew Minion #34

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 03:07:24 2002) []

You guys rule. This zombie stuff is really helpful. I don’t want to give away too much, but in episode 13 we may see a zombie fight a shark. Yes, it’s been done before – it may even be a little clichéd – but I think you’ll find we’ve got a twist on it that makes it all worthwhile.

Y_slaybelle – I thought we went over this: all reviews should end in blind professions of love for me. And yes, I am responsible for that of which you speak. Thanks for the laughter.

Kathypg -- good to see you again. I don’t think the word retcon applies here, but I understand what you’re asking. Let me just say this: Trust in Joss. He knows what he’s doing, and there’s a lot of story left to tell. And that shade of orange really brings out your eyes.

The ghost of dean – you know, I always sort of suspected Auf Der Mar was into me. But, regardless, I think you two would have a fine, fine child.

Zoni – girls are always running by and kissing me and running away, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

Red Crayon – Being on set is a lot of fun. I walk down there, everyone yells, “Stop what it is you are doing, Drew Goddard is here!” and then Nick Brendon starts giving me a backrub. Then we all play Cranium.

BlackMagickBitsy – Hello again! How’s the writing coming? To answer your question, there’s always significance to everything we do. Unless it has something to do with Baltic women or beadwork. Sometimes a Baltic woman is just a Baltic woman.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 03:55:40 2002) []

Sorry about the lag. Got called into a writer meeting.


Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 04:30:38 2002) []

You know, scrolling is a lot of work. By the time I read everyone’s questions, I’ve forgotten most of them and I’m thinking about the date the zombie and the human went on before they consummated their relationship. I mean, did he pick her up? Was he nervous? Was there like a weird “are you trying to eat me or kiss me” vibe going?

Dachelle is here though! Aw man, that’s good news. And I sure am glad eirefaerie didn’t die.

Do we really have over 300 Minions? That’s magnificent. Everything is going according to plan. We’ll have to do a State of the Minions Address.

Let me see if I can answer some general questions. First off, thank you all so much for your kind words, you really are the greatest fans in the world.

Okay, with regard to shooting scripts – a script can vary from the aired version for a variety of reasons. We’re usually revising scripts up until the day we start shooting. And then we change things in editing all the time – sometimes things don’t go according to plan on the day of shooting and you have to cut things out, sometimes scenes need to be trimmed down, sometimes “happy accidents” happen on set and you suddenly have brilliant new elements to work with and so you change things around (for instance, Tom Lenk ad-libbed that “Ooo – steak sauce” on the day we were shooting and it made us all laugh so hard we kept it in.) With regard to specific questions about the Never Leave Me script, I’m not sure which draft you guys are looking at so I can’t say for sure, but I have a feeling the scenes were changed to better service the overall story arc of the season.

And these scripts should not be treated as canon. There are so many versions and revisions that take place that you can only go with what you see on screen. However, anything I say here about zombies is definitely true and should be considered a fact.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 05:08:14 2002) []

Allyson -- so sorry to hear about your papa. You're in my thoughts.

Thoin says:
(Thu Dec 5 04:50:16 2002

Thoin, who is actually wearing her orange minion robe (with the spiffy white collar and shiny chocker thingy) smiles engagingly at Drew...she hopes it's "engagingly" and not "creepily" this time...

Drew, several very important questions (well, important to me, anyway).

First: I don't care if the Giles in the next ep is Morphy Giles, but please tell me Giles ain't dead!!! PLEASE!!! (I have a really good reason for asking and it's NOT spoiler-related, believe it or not).

Second: Given the evil Catch-22 of the Hollyweird world, where you can't submit a script without an agent and you can't get an agent without a produced credit, how DOES a rank newbie break in??? (O.k., not so rank and not QUITE a newbie, but nothing on that level yet.)

Third: If I had a really good line, just a line, for one of the characters and wanted to GIVE it away...could I???

Fourth: You don't visit here NEARLY often enough. Are you gonna visit more often?????

Fifth: As for zombies and their offspring, I'm thinking that's where geeks come from. No! Not computer geeks. Those circus people who bite the heads off chickens and such.

Apologies to all chickens for the nightmares just induced.


Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 05:26:06 2002) []
Gotta go soon.

Other answers to questions – Spike’s trigger song was simply picked at random and it will in no way play an important part in upcoming episodes this season. Or, perhaps, something else is true.

The Watcher’s Council blew up. They all died. Sorry for any confusion.

Thoin – I like how you number your questions:

1. Can’t tell you that.
2. Write the best scripts you can possibly write, submit them to everyone you can possibly think of in the business, and never, ever give up.
3. Um, I don’t know.
4. I wish I could come here every day, but they keep us busy here. I’ll try to do better.
5. Interesting…

And we’ve got some good stuff for Xander coming up. In fact, we just shot a Xander scene that gave me chills to watch. Speaking as a longtime fan of this show, I think there are some things in it that’ll make you happy.

AngelicSlayer – it is a big event, but the Buffster’s got her hands full in Sunnydale. As of now, she’s entrusting the gang in LA to take care of it. You know, another day, another apocalypse, business as usual.

Macpro – with scripts, usually at the beginning of the season we more or less go in order – we start at the top of the food chain – Executive Producer – and work our way on down to staff writer. However, that’s very loose, and about two or three episodes into it things’ll get screwed up because some writers are writing Firefly scripts, some writers are writing Angel scripts, some writers need to be on set or in editing, and so availability dictates the order.

Okay, either I’m going to go write the Minion address or I’m going to think about zombies. Or both.

Drew Goddard says:
(Thu Dec 5 05:50:27 2002) [/]

Okay gang, gotta go. Thanks for hanging with me.

Now, stop paying attention unless you’re one of my Minions.

Minions, it is I, your leader. First off, in the hustle and the bustle of the holiday season, it is easy to lose sight of what is truly important in life. As you’re going about your days, be sure to take a moment and say, “Thank Heaven Drew Goddard exists.”

Now, you are my Minions. You are special. You have abilities other people do not have. In addition to being stronger, faster, and smarter than other people, you also have aptitudes in the various black arts that will no doubt come in handy in the near future. However, with great power comes great responsibility – and I made that quote up, just now, all on my own – and so we owe it to our public to remain ever-vigilant. Keep the following things in mind, they should help you as you fight the good fight:

1. Don’t be afraid to rely on your good looks to get you out of a scrape.

2. If you’re in a situation and you find yourself asking “I wonder what Drew Goddard would do in this situation?” the answer is most likely “kick ***.”

3. Any time you need to light a match, you should try to do it off some jerk’s face. Right as he’s walking by. Pssshhht. “Oww!” Take that, jerk.

4. As long as you keep moving, the zombies can’t get you.

5. If you look down in the sand and you only see one set of footprints, don’t panic, I’m probably just jumpkicking something nearby.

6. When they’ve got you on the rack and they’re tightening the screws, think about me. Suddenly, the pain doesn’t seem so bad, does it? Everything’s better with me in mind. Do your worst, strange man in a black hood.

Do your worst.

Ultimate Drew